There are losses in life that are visible, and there are losses that are invisible. This one feels like both. We didn't lose a child we held in our arms, but we lost the expectation of children conceived through our love. We lost the ease of a future we had always assumed. We lost something deeply intimate and deeply personal.

In many respects, the prospect of permanent infertility is akin to a terminal diagnosis. The weight can feel heavy, almost unbearable. This life - this existence - is for a more magnanimous purpose: to be in relationship with God and to share in His own blessed life. We do not earn it; it is pure gift at the cost of Jesus' Passion, death and resurrection. Indeed, your life has not ended, it has changed.

When I hate my heart and body with all its problems that make me permanently infertile, I see a heart that was pierced for me and loves me when I can't love myself. If that perfect heart can love my imperfect one, then maybe I am worthy of love. When your heart can't take anymore, let His heart carry yours.