In the depths of my struggle with infertility, there were moments when the pain felt unbearable. I vividly remember questioning why God seemed silent in my longing for a child. When I first discovered the story of St. Anne waiting under a laurel tree my perspective of God’s timing changed how I wait.
St. Anne, Our Lady's mother, and Jesus's grandmother experienced the same heartache I feel. Learning about her journey gave me hope and a new perspective on my own struggles. When I learned that St. Anne and her husband experienced infertility before the birth of our Blessed Mother, it made me realize that God's timing had to be exactly right for Jesus to come "when the time had fully come." This profound realization brought me to the Catholic Church.
Discovering St. Anne
When I ordered the book Under the Laurel Tree: Grieving Infertility with Saints Joachim and Anna by Nicole M. Roccas, I came from a Protestant tradition and had never heard of Sts. Joachim and Anne before. I was shocked to read within the first few pages, “according to tradition, Mary’s [Our Blessed Mother’s] parents, Joachim and Anna [Anne], struggled for fifty years to conceive a child” before Mary was conceived. Some accounts say that Joachim and Anne were barren for twenty years. One thing we know is that they struggled with infertility for many long years despite their deep faith and prayers. They had to wait for God’s perfect timing.
St. Anne is the grandmother of Jesus, the patron saint of women in labor, infertile women, mothers, and educators, and her feast day is July 26. She is not mentioned in the New Testament and we have no certain knowledge of her. We must depend on apocryphal literature, chiefly the Protoevangelium of James, which dates back only to the second century and provides details of St. Anne’s life. According to this text, Anne and Joachim were devout, righteous, and advanced in years, and their inability to conceive a child caused them great distress and shame. In their culture, childlessness was often seen as a sign of divine disfavor. Despite this, they remained faithful and continued to pray for a child.
The Protoevangelium of James (chapters 2-4) includes the scene of Anne mourning her bareness, sitting under a laurel tree, and praying to the Lord. As she looks to heaven, she sees a sparrow’s nest in the laurel. An angel appeared to her and told her she would conceive. Reminiscent of Hannah’s vow, she answered that she would dedicate the child, male or female, to the service of the Lord (4:2).
The virtue of waiting
About a month after finishing Under the Laurel Tree, I was working through The Catechism in a Year podcast and came to, “But when the time had fully come, God sent forth his Son, born of a woman…” (CCC 442). Next to this paragraph, I wrote a note, “This is why Joachim and Anne were infertile. They were waiting for the time to fully come!”
Knowing that even the grandmother of Jesus experienced the uncertainty and pain of infertility was profoundly comforting. Her unwavering faith and patience inspired me to trust in God’s plan and timing even and especially when I couldn’t see it and it caused me grief.
St. Anne’s life is a testament to the virtue of waiting. She teaches us that waiting is not a passive act but a time of active trust in God’s plan. Her example reminds me that waiting is where our faith is tested and strengthened the most.
Open hands and heart
When we have been praying and waiting for so long, there is a tendency to tie a knot in our rope and hang on. The problem with hanging on is that our hands and also our hearts are closed holding onto whatever we can. I realized that my own journey had been marked by a gripping fear of loss and disappointment. I often approached God with clenched fists, afraid to fully surrender my dreams of motherhood.
St. Anne’s example of dedicating her long-awaited child to God was an act of open-handedness, of holding her blessing with open hands and heart, which starkly contrasted with my own tendency to cling tightly to my desires and dreams. I was challenged to reevaluate my own posture of faith. I wondered, after all these long years of infertility, if I would be willing to give my child back to God with no reservations.
St. Anne’s story also taught me the importance of an open heart. Her willingness to dedicate her child to God’s service showed a heart fully aligned with God’s will. It challenged me to open my heart to God’s plans for my life, even if they looked different from what I had envisioned. Having a posture of open hands and heart made me available to accept grace, faith, and blessings that I would otherwise not have been able to receive with my hands and heart closed.
Reflection on the journey
Looking back, waiting with St. Anne has changed the course of my faith journey and shaped my faith and resilience. She has been a constant source of comfort and hope, reminding me of the beauty of waiting and trusting that God's timing is always perfect, even when it's hard to understand.
I began to see my waiting season as a sacred time of waiting for my time to fully come. This season is an opportunity to grow closer to God, deepen my faith, learn how to be fruitful, and trust that His timing is always perfect, even if this season lasts for fifty years.
As you navigate your journey and wait on God, I encourage you to trust God's plan. Find solace in St. Anne's story, seek her intercession, and ask her to be with you while you wait. Remember, you are not alone. We have a cloud of witnesses with many women who have walked this path before us and accompany us in the wait.
O St. Anne, you are my spiritual grandmother. Please pray for me!
I come to you today knowing that you waited for decades for God to answer your prayer. You know what it’s like to wait on God to answer your heart’s greatest desires.
I come to you today with my heartache and pain. It hurts right now to not have what I most desire. It hurts to feel as though God has forgotten me in my waiting.
Today, I ask you to help me remember to come back to Him -- always, and to thank Him. Even when He doesn’t answer my prayer in the way that I had hoped. Even when I don’t understand His plan. And even when I don’t feel very grateful.
Please pray that God will give me the strength to establish the certainty in my mind that He does love me, and that He does have a special plan for me.
Please pray that Jesus will relieve even an ounce of the pain I feel, and that He will accept my suffering, and use it as He wills. Please pray that He will teach me to love through this cross.
But most of all, please pray that I may be open to God’s will the way that you were, and that I will be able to wait with patience, perseverance in faith and hope, and with absolute trust in the Lord’s plan for me.
Compilation of prayers from St. Anne novena (PrayMoreNovenas.com).
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