Infertility on screen, part 4: Matilda and a Laetare lesson

This is part 4 in our “Infertility on screen” series.

• Read part 1 here, where Brandy discussed Up, Beetlejuice, and Julie & Julia.

• Read part 2 here, where C. J. explored The Help, Trying and Black Widow.

• Read part 3 here, where C. J. took a closer look at Up.

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Welcome to another edition of our “infertility on screen” series, where we are watching the beloved classic, Matilda. Based on the famous children’s book of the same name, and then later adapted into a smash-hit musical, this story follows a very special child and her journey navigating a hard life, both at home and at school, all while figuring out what life and love mean along the way. Now, you may be asking why we are covering this on our blog. No character directly deals with infertility, no one (except for Matilda’s mom at the VERY beginning of the movie) is pregnant or deals with related emotional or physical complications. But I would argue Matilda is in fact a necessary balm for those who feel in any way outcast, reminded constantly they are different or not enough. For those trying to find joy in a world that seems determined to take it away from them on this week of Laetare Sunday. So find your favorite childhood snack and drink, curl up and explore the magical world of Matilda with me.

Invisible, insignificant and ignored

Both the book and the movie start off on the same note: the narrator reflecting on the general “love blindness” most parents have for their kids, which unfortunately is NOT given to the very special Matilda. Instead, her parents think of their unexpected (in one of the pure comedic bits of the movie, they did not even know Mrs. Wormwood was pregnant before she gave birth to Matilda) and unwanted daughter as “nothing but a scab.” While the narrator reflects that “everyone is born, but not everyone is born the same. Some will grow to be butchers, or bakers, or candlestick makers. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. One way or another, though, every human being is unique, for better or for worse,” the Wormwood parents refuse to see their unique, exceptional child for the treasure or “miracle” (as the musical puts it) she is. But to her credit, Matilda does not allow herself to sink to the level of her family, who do nothing but cheat people, gamble and watch the all-important “telly” all-day. The little and advanced 4 year-old takes it upon herself to walk to the library and devours every book she can, under the careful guidance of the gentle librarian. She finds refuge outside of the world that is too loud, too uncaring, too unbothered to see what she can offer. In something bigger than the small, confined house and life she knows day to day. 

Readers, how often are we ignored? Made to feel that because our bodies can’t do this specific thing or look a certain way, we matter less. All we want is to be seen. Even if we are not gifted like young Matilda, we all have talents and interests, things that should be celebrated instead of tolerated or flat-out rejected. Where do we turn? For Matilda, it is the world of books, places she can escape to, seeing herself in characters doing bold deeds, or even just being taken care of in a way she has never been. Reading has always been a refuge for me as well, especially since for a long time I was deaf in one ear (and still do not have the best hearing). It is those times when we are unheard, unseen, uncared for, we have God. God reminds us that in the desert, there is love. In the darkness, God is light. He gives us His mother, the angels and saints to remind us of others who go before us in the journey of light in the darkness. Let us go to the books, to the gardens, to whatever refuge we need, but may we also remember that it is God that comforts us through those other things, and especially when those external comforts fail. God reminds us of the joy and hope that is promised when the world seems to offer everything but. And Matilda is about to face what happens when even those comforts are taken away.

There’s nothing you can do about it

Now five, Matilda is not only about to finally start school, but is also starting to develop her own beliefs and outlooks on the world, particularly on the goods of reading and living virtuously and, conversely, on her displeasure of the way her family, particularly her dad, cheats the world around them. In one of the stand-out scenes of the film, Matilda fights back on her father’s shady car-dealership practices. Not tolerating Matilda’s questioning, Mr. Wormwood explodes and yells, “Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it.” 

“And there’s nothing you can do about it.” How often do we feel that way after another failed procedure or medicine trial? Being pressured into something that could enhance the chances of conceiving/having a child but would be against our morals. As someone whose completely infertile body tells me day after day, “there’s nothing you can do about it,” it feels overwhelming. Now, we could succumb to the Wormwoods, to the forces around you that tell you that you are powerless, not good enough, not worthy. Or we can be like Matilda who, despite her own frustration and heartache, finds that there is joy, and that we do have control in how we respond to things. In this season of Lent, in whatever season of desolation you may feel, remember that even in a time of penance, the Church sets aside time to remember the joy that persists in spite of the brokenness in and around us. 

Finding courage and confidence

As rough as Matilda may have it at home, she soon realizes that escaping to school is not as much an… well, escape, as she hoped it would be. While her teacher, Miss Honey (who is as sweet as her name), adores Matilda and sees the true gift the 5 year-old is, the principal of the school, Miss Trunchbull, despises the curious and confident Matilda (along with all children). For every encouragement Miss Honey gives, Matilda either experiences or witnesses Miss Trunchbull beating down the students that are supposed to be under her care. And for how sweet Miss Honey is, she lacks the ability to stand up to the domineering older woman, as beaten down as the very kids she is meant to protect. 

How often do we lack the confidence, the courage in who we are, in God and His plan for us? We let ourselves feel overwhelmed to the point that we cannot help ourselves and those in need. Too often in my case, and I suspect the same for quite a few of our readers. In the musical version of Matilda, there is a beautiful song called “When I Grow Up.” In it, the children reflect on how much better things will be when they are finally adults. Two sections always stand out to me:

I will be smart enough to answer all

The questions that you need to know

The answers to, before you're grown up.

And 

I will be brave enough to fight the creatures

That you have to fight beneath the bed

Each night to be a grown up.

How often do I realize I have failed in keeping that innocent confidence not only in myself, but in God? That I let my own doubts prevent me from having trust in God’s plan for me. There is a reason God wants us to have faith like a child. But, like the other children and Miss Honey, I have lost my bravery, my childlike faith that Love will take care of me, and that Love has given me what I need in order to live a good life. At the end of “When I Grow Up,” it is Miss Honey singing about fighting the monsters, while Matilda is singing:

Just because I find myself in this story

It doesn't mean that everything is written for me.

Undefeated!

Your infertility journey is not a defeat! It may be a cross - a cross that I wish no one had to bear - but you decide how to carry that cross. You can be defeated, or you can be determined and maybe even joyful. Which is how I want to end this post, dear readers. Miss Honey becomes a mother to Matilda, even before Matilda’s parents leave town to escape consequences of her father’s illegal dealings and abandon the child with her teacher. Again, proof that you do not need to be a biological mother to be the exact nurturer someone needs at any given moment. But also, both Matilda and Miss Honey did not allow the cruelty and harshness they experienced to turn them bitter. They held on to the joy, to the belief in the good of themselves and of the world outside of what they grew up in. 

This Laetare Sunday, let’s watch Matilda (or listen to the soundtrack!) and remember that God doesn’t point us to a life where sorrow wins. Joy does. 

Praying for you always.