In many respects, the prospect of permanent infertility is akin to a terminal diagnosis. The weight can feel heavy, almost unbearable. This life - this existence - is for a more magnanimous purpose: to be in relationship with God and to share in His own blessed life. We do not earn it; it is pure gift at the cost of Jesus' Passion, death and resurrection. Indeed, your life has not ended, it has changed.

When I hate my heart and body with all its problems that make me permanently infertile, I see a heart that was pierced for me and loves me when I can't love myself. If that perfect heart can love my imperfect one, then maybe I am worthy of love. When your heart can't take anymore, let His heart carry yours.

Life can be both beautiful and hard at the same time, and our task is to learn how to live that reality without hardening our hearts. I have never felt more broken and grateful at the same time. There's a freedom in acknowledging that you can't control everything. Perhaps joy isn't about forcing yourself to feel better, but about taking small, honest steps and allowing both pain and beauty to coexist.