Top 10 insights for a marriage worth celebrating

St Valentine’s Day is upon us so we’re thinking about love and marriage this week! We dived into the archive and found a wealth of wisdom from our writers on how to build a marriage worth CELEBRATING! Whilst most of our readers are married, a lot of the advice shared in the following blog posts is fruitful for boyfriend/girlfriend relationships too, so we’re confident there’s something here for everyone to enjoy and learn from.

1. Add some SPICE into your relationship

SPICE refers to the different areas of intimacy between spouses and, broken down, it stands for S - spiritual, P - physical, I - intellectual, C - communication, E - emotional. Laura Golden from Holy Family Fertility Coaching has provided lots of ideas for how to explore all of these areas of intimacy.

2. Nurture your union

At the foundation of every couple’s union is the art of communication. Through the spoken word, physical cues, and rituals of affection, couples express themselves through a unique language of the heart. Kristin D. explores ways to nurture your marriage in this way.

3. Plan at-home date nights

Date nights don’t have to be expensive meals in fancy restaurants! Jesse and Kathleen LeBlanc from The Catholic Date Night talk us through how to foster fruitfulness through at-home date nights. Time to get creative! 

4. Pray as a couple

God is constantly providing opportunities to prepare the soil of our hearts in order for His word to take root and produce great fruit. All He needs from you in order to start work is a simple “yes”. Sarah W. has learned the importance of couples prayer and shares her experience.

5. If you're going to fight, make it fruitful 

We don’t see the fights between Prince Charming and his beloved after the wedding in the movies. This can lead us to think of conflict in a marriage as an indicator that we have fallen out of love or that perhaps we weren’t made for each other after all. Conflict in marriage is real and it can cause separation and isolation between spouses. Discover how learning to work through conflict well can bear fruit in your relationship.

6. Learn from couples who have walked this path

On this lonely path, it can be hard to look ahead and picture life 10, 20, 30 years from now. If you have the opportunity to get to know any couples who have been married a long time and have some experience of infertility, take the time to share your journey with them and ask about what this cross taught them. Pat and Lisa have been married for 35 years and opened up about their infertility journey.

7. Help your spouse help you

Infertility can be full of stressful situations: your monthly cycle, medical appointments, pregnancies of family and friends, or waiting for an adoption match. When facing these stressors, we seek comfort and help from our husbands. Many times, he longs to help but isn’t sure what he can do to alleviate our anxiety, grief or stress. Don’t make him guess! By creating a “support cheat sheet” for each other with the help of our very own Ellen H., you can clearly communicate your concerns and how you would prefer to be supported.

8. Celebrate! Develop family traditions

Yes yes, we know it’s only February but can we talk about Christmas for a minute? If you find yourself lamenting that so many Christmas traditions seem to revolve around children, we want you to know that that doesn’t have to be the case! You can develop special holiday traditions as a couple which will make the season magical! We asked our Fruitful Writers what little festive moments they treasure with their spouse throughout Advent and Christmas. See if any take your fancy! Maybe you’ll think of some Easter traditions to start this year too!

9. Share the mental load

Going through infertility involves carrying a very heavy mental load, and crucial conversations are often left up to us to initiate ie. sharing information regarding charting and fertile windows, whether to stop or start new treatment steps, discerning adoption, etc. In this thorough resource, Ellen H. walks you through how to lighten your burden by allowing your spouse to share the mental load.

10. Enjoy each other in the bedroom!

(Heads up: this one’s just for the married couples!) 

We believe that sex needs to be talked about more in the Catholic Church so that fewer couples feel alone on their journey. To open up the discussion, we asked a group of Fruitful Hollow team members, mentors and writers about their marital sex lives and compiled their answers anonymously. We hope that hearing from a group of women who have all experienced infertility at some point will be validating and give you an insight into the ups and downs others have experienced while navigating sex during or after infertility.