This year at The Fruitful Hollow, our theme is "fruitfulness in your home and marriage". We are exploring ways we can exercise fruitfulness in our domestic church, physical home, hobbies, relationships and wider family, even in times of darkness. This week, Kathleen and Jesse LeBlanc from The Catholic Date Night are talking about how to nurture a fruitful marital relationship through consistently dating your spouse.
Fostering fruitfulness through at-home date nights
By Kathleen and Jesse LeBlanc
Oh, the precious memories of romantic dates, late night phone calls, butterflies in your stomach, and sweet love notes between you and your beloved as you began your relationship together. Those memories may seem like another lifetime, especially now that you’re settled into marriage, navigating home life, in-laws, fertility, finances, careers, and the many other “adulting” tasks and to-dos on your plate.
In this season of your lives together, it may seem like date nights are a luxury. After all, you don’t have time, money, or energy to devote to date night. When you finally sit down at the end of a long day, all you really have energy for is bingeing Netflix or scrolling your phone.
But what if I told you that date nights aren’t a luxury — they're actually a necessity? Now, before you roll your eyes and stop reading, hear me out. When I say date night, I don’t necessarily mean a fancy dinner out every week. Not many of us have the budget for that! What I mean is true, quality time with your spouse, at home or out of the house, that allows you to enjoy each other simply for who they are?
There’s a reason why many married couples divorce after their kids grow up and leave the nest. For years, they stopped focusing on each other and put their sole focus on their children, their work, their volunteering… everything but each other. At the time, it seems like this is a good choice. These are important things to focus on! But when those things slow down or leave the picture, they're left looking at the person they married 25 years ago and hardly recognize them. This person that you're meant to spend your entire life with has become merely a roommate, a person that you manage a home with.
So how do we combat this? How do we keep the spark alive so that we can truly enjoy each other’s company till death do us part? We propose a weekly date night: at least a half hour of one-on-one time, no phones, to simply enjoy each other’s company.
For us, date nights have been a non-negotiable, but have taken many forms over the years. No matter what they look like, they usually include just two things:
A fancy drink and snack
Something that gets us talking and/or laughing
Number one can be whatever tickles your fancy. Here are some ideas for number two:
A card game/board game/puzzle
Going through conversation starters we find online (so many options, just google it!)
Learning a new skill from a YouTube video (dancing, a craft, how to draw something… the options are endless!)
Drawing portraits of each other
Listening to a short podcast and discussing it
Building delicious sundaes and enjoying them while we chat
As you can see, you don't have to break the bank or exert a ridiculous amount of energy. All you have to do is make space for each other. And the fruits will come. What kind of fruits, might you ask?
More graces will flow into your marriage. YES! Even though you aren't necessarily doing something “spiritual”, you are deepening your vocation! Think of date nights with your spouse like prayer time with the Lord. You have to spend quality time just “being” together in order to grow your relationship. It can't just be about “doing”.
Petty arguments will diminish. You'll start seeing your spouse with eyes of love again and have more empathy and patience.
Your intimate life will get better. Who doesn’t want that? You'll both feel more seen and appreciated outside of the bedroom which leads to feeling safer and more generous in the bedroom.
You will experience more joy. Your life together will be less about the “what” and more about the “why” - and that brings so much more fulfillment.
Your children will feel safer, witnessing a strong front of united love. Date nights never take away from your children’s wellbeing but only add to it.
The fruits are honestly endless. If you remember that marriage is your vocation (your unique path to holiness!) it only makes sense to ensure you are taking the time to deepen your love, your understanding of each other, and continuing to pursue each other’s hearts.
So what are you waiting for? Set it as a recurring, non-negotiable event on the calendar and keep it simple. Just imagine what your marriage will look like after 3 months, 6 months, a year of regular date nights! We know you won't regret it.