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  • Writer's pictureKristin D.

My infertility creed, part 3: Before all ages

(This is an excerpt from “The Spiritual Advent of Infertility” manuscript. This is the third in a 4-part series. You can find the links to parts 1, 2, and 4 at the end of this blog.)


I believe in one Lord Jesus Christ,the Only Begotten Son of God,born of the Father before all ages.


Before I ever knew that we were infertile, God knew. Yet my husband and I never had any doubt that we were meant for each other. I truly believe that God knew that we were strong enough for this struggle. He knew that we were made for each other before all time. He knew that our lives and longing for children would allow us to help each other find fulfillment in other ways. From the beginning, God knew that His son would suffer for our sins and would bring forth “the glory of the new creation” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 280). He knew that He would sacrifice for our weak hearts, for our lack of faith, for our confusion and frustration. He knew that some would question and doubt the purpose of life. Yet He still endured the Passion knowing that many might turn away.


What does “God’s plan” mean to you? What I’ve come to realize is that God’s plan is not a fixed path where if we mistakenly choose the “wrong” direction, He will shake his finger and withhold our prized reward from us. God is the most creative, resourceful, loving artist and He can work with us regardless of our limited vision. He honors us and cherishes us. I imagine while Jesus spoke to his disciples along the road to Emmaus, He was revealing this truth to them. God works with human beings within the freedom and choices that we make. He does not force us into a decision. He honors our free will and encourages us to make choices that are good, true and beautiful. He is lovingly beside us, hearing us, asking us to look deeper and be open. Are we open to the truth? Jesus died for our sins and rose up so that we may have eternal life. Every moment of every day, every long awaited appointment, every mundane activity, every negative pregnancy test, every trip to the grocery store, every loving embrace is an invitation of grace along our path to salvation.


May we be strong enough to persevere in search of God’s desire for our lives and not abandon hope of his true commitment to each individual soul. When I think of how long we have waited and longed for a child, I remember that the Israelites waited many times longer for Jesus Himself. Did God not heed their cries? Certainly, He heard them and He felt them deeply. Yet God, in His perfect timing, willed to enter the world when He did because human history was not prepared before or since. Thank God Jesus Christ graced this earth. I am grateful to live in a time where we can reflect on His words, receive His sacraments, and share His love with others.


Perhaps for you and for me, God has a special soul in mind whom he is waiting with excitement to create for us to nurture. He may be working towards a particular moment in time, a series of circumstances to line up, or simply weaving a life of interior freedom we have yet to experience. After all, it takes time and material pressure to make a masterpiece through fire. When our first adoption match fell through, I opined, God, do you understand how helpless we feel? Do You understand that our future is entirely dependent upon others’ decisions? Do You truly have a plan for us? What is the purpose of this cross?



It was an upsetting time. I was struggling over the reality that life didn’t work out the way that I had wanted. I overlooked the fact that in our grief, God mourns with us over our disappointments and that His perfect plan will play out for a unique and special purpose. His plan is to get me to heaven. That is it! Everything else is incidental. Right now, am I missing out on God’s awesome gifts because the one thing He wants for me is not the one thing that I want for myself? I’ve been trapped by my attachments too long and missing the very best of this moment. It’s time to make a change. But first, I must be open, like a flower extending its petals towards the sun.


Pope Benedict XVI shared a profound insight about our faith in Jesus:

“Faith draws the future into the present, so that it is no longer simply a ‘not yet’. The fact that this future exists changes the present; the present is touched by the future reality, and thus the things of the future spill over into those of the present and those of the present into those of the future. (Benedict XVI, Spe Salvi, 7)

 

This is the very reality of the longing of our hearts. To desire parenthood - and to long for a child, to love that potential child, to mourn the loss and absence of that child - means that we are being molded into moms and dads in the present tense. This is also at the heart of the mystery of salvation which we receive at each and every Mass. We experience a foretaste of heaven in the person of Jesus Christ himself, and all of the promise of future glory, in the humble means of Holy Communion, He gives to us in the present! The doxology offers us this reminder, “Through him, and with him, and in him, O God, almighty Father, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, all glory and honor is yours, forever and ever!” All goodness that is, and all glory that is yet to come is present to us in the Eucharist. Our precious future is there with us at Holy Communion.


Indeed, we have a choice to welcome his graces each and every day. More and more, we need to turn to Jesus who, before all ages, loved each one of us. He desires to breathe hope into our present condition by offering us a glimpse of heaven, where He abides with us and we abide with Him, and all that is good is perfectly and indissolubly one. May His incredible will be done on earth as it is in heaven!


Questions for reflection

  • What Gospel passages mean the most to you?

  • What do they show you about Jesus’ relationship with his disciples and with us?

  • How would you describe your relationship with Jesus to a loved one?

  • How has infertility impacted this relationship?

  • If Jesus were sitting in the room with you, what would you say? 

  • What future hope would you ask him to make real for you right now? 


Action steps

  • Spend some time in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. Tell him EVERYTHING and then listen.

  • Read a few verses from the Gospel of John, chapter 20. Share your reflections with your spouse.

  • Reach out to an expectant mother, food bank, or a family in need and offer to prepare a meal or run an errand for them.


Prayer

Thank you for entering human history, Jesus. Thank you for offering us the gift of the Eucharist so that you can be truly present to us through our trials. Help me to appreciate more deeply the gift of my spouse and how our love could give birth to a new dream in your great glory. Help me to seize the graces that you are cultivating in me and my spouse today. Amen.


 

Click on the links below to continue reading the series, "My infertility creed", by Kristin D.

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