My dear friend who longs to be a mother,
You’re tired. You’re tired of waiting, tired of trying, tired of praying. But you’ll keep waiting and trying and praying because how could you give up on the one thing that you so deeply desire? I know this because I am you, friend. There was a time when I wasn’t, though; a time when I had no idea what pain was awaiting us. I thought it would happen so quickly and easily, like it does for “everyone else”, but we’re not everyone else. I don’t know why God chose us to carry this cross but I do know that he also gives us the strength to do so.
The waiting started the day we got married. Maybe you’re like us and you had a baby name picked out before you were even married. While planning our wedding we spent time dreaming of our future, our future home and the life we would build together. The thought of being parents came so naturally to me and my husband. It was a given. We had it all planned out. We’d get married, have a baby before our first anniversary and that would be the start of our big Catholic family. But God had other plans! I’m guessing your plans for the future don’t look the same as they once did. They don’t look the same as before – before you realized you’d be in this wait.
I once heard that believing in God is easy, but trusting in Him is the hard part.
I think of that sentence so very often. Of course I believe in God, but I wonder how much I really trust Him with every aspect of my life and marriage. We have these ideas, these plans for how we think life should be, and we feel like we shouldn’t have to suffer. But friend, as Christians we aren’t promised a life without suffering. Look at the way Jesus suffered and how Mary suffered at the foot of the Cross. We question God and our worthiness when we’re not seeing the results that we want to see. We ask God “why them and not us?” when we hear another couple’s happy news, and then we remember that the devil uses comparison to steal our joy. We try to pray without ceasing but sometimes when life seems too hard and we’re filled with disappointment, we do stop praying, even for just a short while.
Even in the hardest of times, I implore you to keep on praying. Keep bringing your frustration, struggles and even anger to the Lord. He can take it, for He knows the weight of our cross. Our prayers for a child might feel as though they’ve been unheard but someone I admire once said “God knows what we can’t see” and I cling to that thought. If it’s in God’s plan for us to be parents then our children will come exactly when they are meant to. Exactly when God intended. Jeremiah 1:5 tells us, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you”. Though that prayer has yet to be answered for us, other prayers have been – sometimes ones we didn’t realize we were praying. Even the words I have shared with you here are an answered prayer. No one but God knew it had been on my heart to write about infertility, but when I had the opportunity to join The Fruitful Hollow team, I knew!
So, I leave you with two questions for reflection.
What prayer of yours has been answered?
Have you just been believing in God or have you truly been trusting in Him?